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Ganga's story ~ Connecting through a song



Maya was due on 21st June (proper hippy baby!) but my waters broke at 1am on Friday 3rd June. I called the midwife who told me to go back to bed & come to the hospital in the morning to see how I was progressing. Labour didn't kick in. I developed period type cramps but nothing more, so after a sleepless night, we got checked at the hospital & was disappointed to discover I wasn't at all dilated & was told to go home. I was booked in to be induced the following day (Saturday).


I desperately didn't want to be induced. I wanted a natural labour with water birth, but the midwives explained that the longer time went on the more of an infection risk I had. As a first pregnancy I went along with what they said by fear of harming my baby... So, after another day of strong period type pain & another night of no sleep, on the Saturday I went in to hospital & at midday was given the propess pessary to try & bring on labour. I was told I was about 2cm dilated, but that was it. The pessary is supposed to stay in for 24 hours, but mine fell out after 4!! Unsurprisingly this didn't really do much.


After a few hours the aches increased slightly, but weren't really classed as more than tightenings. It was now a case of waiting in the ward with 3 other women for a time to be induced with a drip.  Determined not to be induced, I spent the next 24 hours doing everything I could think of to try & bring on labour. 

I paced the corridors, lunged, girated, kissed John as passionately as I could, massaged my breasts, tweaked my nipples, anything to get the oxytocin flowing!


By the Sunday evening I still hadn't slept and still hadn't gone into labour, but luckily for me labour ward had been so busy that I still hadn't been induced either. The pains had been coming & going, increasing if I laid down & tried to sleep, but eased as I walked around, but by dinner time on the Sunday evening they stopped completely.


To my dismay, I was told that I was booked in at for induction for 6am the following morning as by then it will have been over 72 hours since my waters had broken. John was sent home earlier than the night before & told to rest and be in at 6am. I was told to try & sleep to get my energy up in preparation for the induction. I was so determined not to be induced, but my labour had stalled and I was emotionally & physically exhausted.


I put my headphones on, got myself warm in bed & listened to Gorecki by Lamb. The song is so beautiful, & is the song that makes me fall in love with John all over again each time I hear it. I so wanted the oxytocin to flow! I cried tears of desperation, mixed with tears of loneliness & tears of utter love. I held my tummy, carressed my bump & felt such a yearning to meet my baby I had loved & nutured for 9 months....


I don't know if you've ever heard Gorecki, but the lyrics are beautiful & summed up how I felt about my unborn baby: "All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs Want to stay right here Until the end of time All I've known All I've done All I've felt was leading to this" I felt such a connection at that moment, to my baby, to my body & to John, who was sat at home. I felt peaceful for the first time in days...


By midnight however, I was still wide awake. The midwife came and saw me & offered me a sedative to help me sleep. I took it and hoped for the best... At 1.30am, I went to the toilet, & realised I was walking funny. I couldn't place how, but I felt different. I put it down to the sedative. When I got back to bed, I couldn't get comfortable, the period pains had returned. But this time they got increasingly stronger, and in waves. I bit the pillow to keep quiet to not wake the other women in my ward & began to time them & write the times down. By 2am I pushed the buzzer to call the midwife & told her I needed to push, NOW! She examined me, I was 10cm & she could see the head! She called John, telling him "don't stop on the way!".


By the time John arrived, I was on my knees in labour ward, in full swing! I was offered, but refused, gas & air or any other meds. I kept girating with each contraction, and maintained a constant internal dialogue with my baby. Willing it into the world, telling it that daddy & I were waiting to greet it, and that we were doing this part of the journey together. I heard Patricia's (my yoga teacher) voice in my head telling me I could do it & it was what my body was designed for.


At 4.20am, Maya came into the world. Two hours and 20 minutes after I’d pushed the buzzer. She was put straight to my chest, once the cord stopped pulsing, John cut it. Nine moons beneath my heart & finally she was in my arms. After all the waiting, a natural labour, no meds, no tear & blissful... x


Ganga Clayton

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