Becki's story ~ 'My surges are not more powerful than me, they are me'
I had a slight loss of blood, not a mucus show but just a bit of staining which I hadn't had before. I went to have a bath before dinner as I didn't know what to do with myself but ended up getting out pretty quickly as just wasn't settled. We ate dinner together, but I stood up through out. I'd had so many 'false starts' that none of this was particularly out of the ordinary. Having finished my food I left the table and walked into a quieter room where my waters went with a water balloon like Pop! 630pm…
After my bath I had decided to put on a maternity pad, perhaps thinking to keep an eye on the slight blood staining I'd had earlier - I'm glad I did! I called through to Tom ' my waters have gone I can't move!' and he appeared with a video camera to catch the excitement!! Poppy found it all highly amusing and delighted in her job of fetching a towel. Tom carried on and put Poppy to bed and immediately my surges started to roll through me. I quickly realised if I gave them my full concentration then they were easier to understand.
Tuesday 10th was a very normal day, my daughter went to nursery and I felt a strong urge to be really active, a walk in the morning and a longer one in the afternoon - I had loads of energy. Around 3pm i started to have period 'Pains', easy going but niggling.
I left a message with the midwives and began to time a few of the gaps between surges as knew it was one of the questions they would ask, I was just writing numbers down as didn't have the space in my mind to listen to anything but my surges as they rolled. Tom came downstairs and I pointed at the numbers " they're lasting a min" he said, "yes but what's the gap?" Followed by something like Shit best get the pool filled! As they were 2 mins apart. I instantly had to zone in, out came the earphones to listen to the Hypnobirth tracks and up went the intensity of the surges.
I found my spot in the kitchen stood up at the end of the breakfast bar. I could be upright or rest over cushions, hands able to grip the sides and give me stability. Instantly the sound of Suzy's voice brought me my centre "hello my names Suzy ashworth..." !! And while the track played away in the background I kept visualising one of my affirmations in particular 'my surges are not more powerful than me, THEY ARE ME'. I knew I was in at the deep end and things were moving quickly....
I started to sing a bit of a whale song saying 'come on, come on' im not a singer! But it felt so soothing and calming in between surges and like I was passing the reassurance on to the baby. Fiona the midwife arrived at 7.50pm just as I started to roar my way through a surge. I heard her make an immediate phone call to the second midwife who must attend as the baby is born, and told her to come immediately which made me feel really strong. Finally I could get in the pool which was a true oh my god! Moment….
The warm water changed the sensation enough to relax my body and mind as the waves of the surges rolled through me. My affirmation was my anchor, the surges are me not bigger than me and at this point Tom was there to fill in the gaps. He told me Relax Surrender it's time to let go...
His words made all the difference and with that Fiona started to explain that with the next surge I would feel a burning sensation and this would be babies head. I reached down to feel the tiny head of thick hair and with a final surge and a rotation from the baby she was out slowly into the water. I held her there as she gazed up at us arms out stretched and alert in a beautiful underwater limbo land between birth and womb.
As she came up into my arms she was so peaceful and calm, we needed reassurance that she was breathing as she didn't bother with the distinctive newborn cry, just made a few whimpers! Time stood still and I couldn't take my eyes of her... perfect x
Unfortunately I had torn and was brought out of the pool eagerly by the midwives so that they could assess what needed to happen but they did it so thoughtfully so as not to disturb skin to skin or bonding with dad too. They diagnosed a 3rd degree tear which meant I needed to be seen in hospital but they consulted me and talked me through every decision we were jointly making so that I felt in control and perfectly happy.
Transfer was easier by ambulance and the midwives were happy for me to continue with uninterrupted skin to skin, tucking her in to my dressing gown rather than taking her off me or getting her dressed. So although a nights stay and an operation saw a strange 2nd side to my beautiful blissful labour, every move was made with me in mind and kept us all calm & relaxed.